If it was as easy as letting go a captured butterfly, I would have done that long time ago.
It feels stupid though to never stop thinking about a man that I will rely on for the rest of my life in order to complete half of my deen. Thinking about that again, I think that I might just go far beyond what a 19 y/o should be thinking about. Maybe what is best for me is just I need to follow the flow that I have already taken since the first step I am in which is to become a better muslimah. If this doesn't work out due to my over-reacted feelings towards a boy, let's just avoid it.
But what if by avoiding it will not make any changes in your life and towards your feeling?