Sunday, 25 December 2016

Why Pandas Have Dark Rings Around Their Eyes?

Anonymous: It makes it harder for an enemy or predator to know exactly where the eyes are. And, since it makes the eyes look bigger, the enemy may think the panda is bigger than it really is.

Anonymous: its the markings, same as why do tigers have strips or lepords have spots.... obviously to some species its camoflauge... but yea...

Anonymous: Modern-day thought is that lucky giant pandas have built-in sunglasses: Those blacked patches encircling their eyes protect their eyes from the sun. (Pretty nifty, eh??).

Anonymous: God made them that way.

Brown Under Eye Circles

So hi, it has been ages since I have dark circles around my under-eyes area and people keep asking why. I literally do not know how to response. All that I know is I have those dark rings since I was in primary school-until now. Yes you might just throw out some ideas on how to get rid of this and that, how I can just start to use some products and how I can go to get treatments. 

Its good though that I get to hear a lot of different perspectives from you girls, but at the end of the day it will always be me. Like how do pandas are meant to born and be like that, I am born to be this way too. Apart from what you think man would like in a woman is beauty in her own way, there is no problem for me as I can do mine. The difference between us men and women is always our choices. 

The fact that you see me doing nothing to my under-eyes problem kan, well actually I have done so many things. From teabags to tomatoes to cucumber to coffee to oats to eye products you name it. 

But as far as I know, there is a reason why God created me this way and it should be noted that He has not created anything in vain especially us, the mankind.

Wednesday, 9 November 2016


So lets talk about hopes.

You know that sometimes we women we love to be treated like a princess even if you are not that feminine pun hahahahhahah ok.

So basically I am one of the person who likes to tell someone they are beautiful like if possible I want to tell them that for every single second. You know how the women out there, some of them they just cant bring the beauty itself into different perspectives. They think beauty comes only within our faces and our fashion sense. Regarding to that, I have to object them and turns that into a new vibe. Positive vibes! 

Some might think that I done this in order to just jaga hati member or like some sort of I wanted to brag myself up sebab later mesti kena puji balik lol.

So let say if I am the brag queen, what are you guys?

You ought to think that beauty can only be used in terms of she is a model and she is thin, no mistakes, she is the queen. THE queen. 

I am there, telling myself out to everyone, Hey you look beautiful today, in order for you to realise that your beauty is you. Its just you. YOURSELF. You dont even need me to tell you that you are beautiful you bloody women cuz girls I aint need you to tell me that I am pretty too or I am prettier than you or whatever it just I wanted you to feel your own beauty standard je. I want you to stop degrading yourself.

Yes keep on comparing yourself to other girls, still they cannot be you. They do not own your beauty standard because we are different girls cmon please cmon. Dont get mad if suddenly I come to you and brag about things up, it just I wanted you to feel happy and knowing that you are beautiful too.

Dont give a f about not having a boyfriend lagi ke, you have excess weight ke or you are not happy with the environment ke dgaf pun damn. Just think about you ok? Crystal enough if I let this hang in here kan so there you go, bye.

Friday, 4 November 2016

Lonely. Dark. Windy. Chilly. Like you are not sure of what you are doing.

They had a late night conversation. Very late. Late as if your parents probably become mad if you were that late. She wasnt sure whats that they were into but its kind of weird to have those late night conversations keep on going since they were together. Not that shes not into him but it felt kinda awkward 'this' has to be continued forward.


"What if he's not the one?", "What if we are not for each other?", "What if you stop asking too much and save that for later?"

That what if made her realised life can be so complicated until theres no limit to everything that mans do. She didnt get it. She`couldnt find the answers for every question she had. 

Up till now, she is seeking for something indefinable. Help!

Sunday, 9 October 2016

Dress to Impress

When i was 18 i have this one vision of im going to torture myself up till the day i am happy with my own self. Yes the vision didnt last long because the starting point of the journey doesnt seem to be right.

I broke my heart. Into. Pieces. Yes. On. That. Night.

I dress to impress.

I wore the most expensive skirt my mom ever bought me, the blouse was new too, the way i did my tudung was so cute until one cannot recognize me, shoes was quite high in volume which it was my first time wearing those kind of shoes (i might be wearing stilletoes tho but i dont own one) and makeups. I put on some foundation and dabbed some powder just to set things up, i added some colour on my eyelids to look cool and a lil vibrant, blusher for a sweet look and mascara for a dramatic glam eye. I put on some lipstick for my final touch and straight away to the mirror.

I observed myself.

"I look beautiful tonight."

I walked to the hall with a bright smile even it was an evening occasion which people cannot see me pun as i walked to the venue lol. Confidence. Confidence. As if im a model, i walked along the aisle and acted feminine. Feminine as i can get close to what you call feminine.

I was over-excited. I get to see the one who i wanted to see like so bad that night. Acting cool but still the excitement was there.

"You look different, man. What a surprise."

Yes that was me talking to mysef.

We made that eye connection several times but none of that worked. I stand near a corner in hope that ill be approached by the man but no nothing happened.

He was waiting for his girl that night.

Sad to be told but i look quite beautiful than usual on that night. The experience of dolling myself up for a man was not a good idea i guess but still in order to feel less insecure with my own self, i still faking myself up.

People keep telling me just be yourself, but i keep questioning myself, HOW?

This simple question that can change to a better you, need an answer.

Attention. I need that attention. I cannot forever live in a cave with all the bats. I need the attention and in order to do so, i force myself to do things that i dont want to do at the very first beginning.

I dont know when i need to stop. I just dont know.

Wednesday, 28 September 2016


Dengan kata mudahnya kalau sepanjang kau bercinta kau tak perform, kau takde komitmen.

Ada satu perkara yang aku nak jelaskan. Pasal komitmen diri aku sendiri. Banyak--Aku seorang pelajar, seorang anak, seorang adik, seorang kakak, seorang kawan, seorang yg suka masak, seorang personal secret keeper, seorang yg sedang cuba nak kurus ye aku memang tgh desperate.

Komitmen aku ni kalau nak cerita cabaran dia mmg tercabar. Contoh aku bagi komitmen aku sebagai pelajar--Jadi pelajar sepenuh masa ni siapa je yg suka ko ckp kt aku. Aku kena deal dengan semua orang. Dari pakcik pejabat ke pensyarah ke pensyarah tuto ke member satu kelas member satu kuliah member satu aras kediaman member dari matrik dulu ha cerita pasal member je dah banyak. Komitmen yg aku bagi pun kadang tu tk in full package pun sbb aku kan sakai. Jadinya bila jadi student yg automatik akan ada banyak komitmen ni kau kena tabah duhai pembaca semua. Aku ckp kat kau ni kalau kau tak tabah hidup kau yg sentosa kini akan merana sehingga kau grad nnt. Bukan aku nak takutkan tp aku pun mcm tu lah. Tabah aku ni ikut musim. Kadang tetiba aku rasa aku nak tabah, aku tabah la kalau tak aku pegi makan je pastu move on.

Komitmen bercinta ni lain pulak sbb apa ye sbb aku tak tahu sorry.

Cerita pasal bercinta ni aku malas la nak berpujangga mcm UKHTI SIMPANLAH HATIMU UTK YG LAYAK MEMILIKIMU KERNA YG LAYAK ITULAH BISA MEMIMPINMU KE SORGA ok tak aku tak buat mcm ni. Apa yg aku nk pesan cuma bila kau ada komitmen bercinta, jgn buat tu sbg kepentingan mcm kau kena serahkan hidup kau kt boifren kau camtu kan unless kalau kau tgh buat persiapan kahwin ke sambil kau belajar ni kan yela nk jadi istri ni laki kau la priotiti, assignment tolak tepi plis ops.

Jadinya itulah usul komitmen aku yg tak berapa nak jelas inputnya sekiranya kau tk baca dgn ikhlas jadila tak jelas ha gitu.

Bye aku ada kelas.

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Unapproachable Beauty

The title itself sounds ingenuine and you might prolly understand the philosophy of being unwanted when you are there expressing yourself to the community and no one cares.

The formula for you to survive as a person right at the moment is simple, beauty and personality. Embrace the following as you might see a lot of people living their life to death just to please the community as they do things to make us the main component of judgement satisfied.

Regarding to the personality they serve us, we judge. The community keep expecting beyond what they can imagine and if that doesnt fit in into their rough sketches, we are failed. I give myself a quick thought that will affect one's life. Due to the percentage of people completed with a total grand package(confidence level, personality, brilliant, attitude) is low, I can see that we are not practically learning throughout our mistakes but instead we are nodding our head on the things that can make us bloomed and complete those nasty expectation made by the community.

I used to be one of the judges but then I realized that we live as humans, we are not always right and that is why people out there have the choices to choose. Again, democracy. You make your own choices because im not going to interrupt your life decisions. Build up your own chain that even when theres a mistake occur you can always fix the chain because you own yourself. You can either learn from a smith or make it work by yourself. Its your life anyway im not going to change you but ya ill help.

Spread your vibes and you will look approachable to the community! :)

Insecurities will fade away dont worry but you, you know you are better than that. 

Monday, 5 September 2016


Ada sampai satu tahap aku pun jadi putus asa padahal aku dah secure diri aku habis baik do.

Sebab apa?

Aku salahkan environment--100%

Dia ada personality, lepas dia bukak mulut pap(!) attitude hilang.

Aku terang je ni. Aku masuk universiti mental terus goyang cepat koyak.

Monday, 8 August 2016


Kau dengan aku mesti ada target yang kau dah capai dan kau nak capai. Especially kalau kau perempuan. Entah tapi aku rasa perempuan kot yang banyak target ni daripada lelaki sebab apa ye sebab perempuan ramai yang sakai bab nak organize hidup ops.

So basically aku ada fikir dengan keadaan aku sekarang dan keadaan member-member dan keadaan keluarga aku pasal target yang dorang nak capai ape bapak bosan cara aku tulis ni dowww.

Kalau macam adik lelaki aku dia target bulan puasa haritu dia nak berbuka dekat surau selama 30 hari walau ada halangan macam mana pun dia tetap akan bukak puasa situ. Satu hari tu dia tertidur sampai Maghrib sebab dia main satu hari macam orang tak berpuasa ops. Aku kejut, "Adib bangun bukak puasa" dan Adib bangun, "Su tlg hantar Adib gi surau, beskal Adib rosak". Aku pun melenting macam orang gila sbb dia taknak buka puasa kat rumah. Aku hantar dia aku hantar kau jangan risau aku tak pukul orang. Sepanjang Ramadan dia berbuka kat surau. Kalau aku malas hantar pun kadang dia tumpang member naik beskal dua orang kadang tumpang pakcik jiran ikut kepala dia la cari alternatif. Ni adik aku darjah 5 dah ada achievement do aku dulu tahu pikir petang nnt amik wuduk nk minum air paip ah bapak.

Kakak aku pun ada target. Iye target hidup dia. Kau tahu la kan kadang perempuan ni bebal sikit. Kakak aku ni tak suka hidup dia kena control. Dia suka buat keputusan dulu baru cakap mak bapak. Tapinya keputusan yang dia buat tu mak aku selalu tak setuju, bapak aku setuju ha gitu. Jadinya dia teruskan je la sebab apa ye sebab sakai dan dia nak berjaya donia akhirat. At last dia berjaya jugak dengan hidup bisnes dia tu @imaanbalqis mak aku pun dah chill dah sekarang kau rilek dia tak jadi anak derhaka pun.

Adik bongsu aku pun mestilah ada target. Dia kan bongsu dan bongsu kan selalu jadi yang paling bajet.  Adik aku ni selalu main sorang-sorang sebab atas dia semua abang. Kenkadang tu dia ajak la aku kalau dia nak persaingan. Dia suka main batu seremban sekarang dan satu hari aku rasa annoyed dengan perangai dia ajak aku fight sampai batu 10 hari-hari. Aku tak terer sbb sampai batu 6 tangan aku dah takleh nak join. Jadinya, perempuan ni dia akan fight dengan diri dia sendiri start dari batu 6 sampai king dan selagi turn dia takleh main batu 1 sampai 10 in one row dia akan continue main ah bapak kadang aku sakit hati gak duduk dgn dia ni allahu.

(ko bayangkan tudung dia biru batu seremban dia pun biru)

Bila aku tengok orang dok unlock achievement target dorang ni aku rasa cam lagi susah untuk aku settle aku punya do sebab apa ye sebab kebanyakannya yang aku buat ni bukan atas dasar liberal aku. Macam kau, kau suka buat sesuatu sebab diri kau kan? Kalau aku, kebanyakannya aku ikut orang sebab minat aku lambat timbul macam senangnya ikan paus timbul untuk udara, aku tak. Iye aku tahu perumpamaan aku bapak sakai.

Jumpa lagi!

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Of August.

Beauty that lies within you is not something to be proud of as you should take care of yourself first and make that as your second priority.

I have this one thought of beauty in general is what you see in the faces. It dont go away this time yet a lot of people agree with me. I used to think make-ups do make you look more representable. True very true, if that is not right why do people get sponsored by make up brands yes?

But then at the end of the day you just need those subtle smile and moves to stop the clock in order to make everyone paying their attention looking at you instead of the amount of powder you dabbed on, the brow you made today is on fleek or your tint lipstick is new on the fashion chart.

Saying this just because.
Its August now! One month left till degree takes the time.
Ciao xx

 Outfit ideas to last Raya open house.

Thursday, 28 July 2016

Travelogue | Melaka

I just posted two #travelLogs within one day isnt it cool? No.

Lets focus on Melaka. 

Planned to go there with my roombabes(mates :p) back in matriculation. Quite a long time you see we very ambitious women we do things earlier yes during our last couple months there and it went to a deeper discussion during our finals lol.

At first, 6-7 orang gak nak pergi. At the end, tinggal 4 orang je ye sedih tapi best! huhuhuh. This time tak naik bas yay. Kiteorang naik kereta. Lepas 45mins driving, kereta rosak---ye mari settlekan kereta---grab a taxi at the middle of the highway tapi alhadulillah kereta terberhenti kat rnr and went straight to our hotel, Mercury Boutique Hotel the price starts from RM99+. Hotel was just behind the Bandar which everything was located there. So, jalan kaki je.

Im not ready though

The Shore Sky Tower


The vacation was only for two days and we had a lot of fun (or problems).

Hari kedua, kakak aku datang ambil hahahahahahahahahahah rasa cam lawak gak la. Nak balik tu kiteorang singgah Pantai Klebang. Took us 40-45 mins of walking sebab kereta takleh masuk ye precautions; bawak payung bawak air kang pengsan.


Dari Pantai Klebang singgah jap kat Klebang Original Coconut Shake, sedap do pastu patah balik gi Dataran Pahlawan cari ole-ole yang tak berapa nak ole sebab apa ye sebab barang kt kekedai tu semua sama ye tepat. Pastu balik dan rehat terus tidur.

Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Travelogue | Terengganu

So basically it was my first trip alone with a friend allahu mmg backpackers habis do.

Aku ke Terengganu dengan classmate masa kat matrikulasi dulu. Member tu duduk Sepang je so kita bila duduk kl kita senang nak dpt public transport tepat? Ye tepat! 4 days before that aku beli tiket ke Terengganu kat laman web Terminal Bersepadu Selatan dengan harga RM44-RM44 pergi balik ye tepat semua RM88 dan aku pokai sejurus beli tiket bas. It took us about 6-7 hours to Terminal Kuala Berang kernanya bas rusak teman-teman. Oh we went there by Tasyik Kenyir Ekspress. Aku dengannya member ni numpang rumah member lagi sorang yang memang kat Terengganu. So dia lah yang bawak kiteorg ni gi teroka Terengganu ha gitu.

Sampai je kat Terminal Kuala Berang, member Terengganu ambil pastu terus singgah pasar situ. Tiga-tiga beli nasi kerabu mokcik tu allahu dengan solok lada pastu dengan ayam goreng tambah pulak dengan telur masin ye kita boleh jadi Gordon Ramsay apa lagi. First day went just like that no special occasions it just us and our tired body and soul cam retarded sangat description tu eh ops sorry.

Second day lah yang paling pack sekali. Member semua ajak keluar pepagi tu gi air terjun Sg Buweh kat Tasik Kenyir pastu petang keluar meliar sampai malam ye hebat bukan? Ye tahu. Kiteorang pergi Kuala Terengganu which took us almost an hour gak ah dari Kuala Berang. Pergi lawat Muzium Terengganu (RM5 per entry), Taman Tamadun Islam which Masjid Kristal is one of  the signature mosque there and lastly, Pantai Batu Burok for about 15 mins cuz its getting dark and late for us women :p


Third day kiteorang gi mandi sungai lagi allahu member semua suka air yang aku ni tak suka. Air Terjun Sekayu ni cam 10km gak la dari rumah ye sumpah do lama gak la. Pastu masuk kena bayar dua ya je tempat pun best air sejuk semua mmg chilling la sesuai untuk hengkorang yang suka mandi sebab aku tak suka ops. Iye kalau gi air tejun takde makna aku nak letak gambar ok member semua. Petang tu gi Pasar Payang cari ole-ole yg tak berapa nak ole sangat sebab most of the shop there selling the same things ko kena nego harga je kt situ.

Last day, hari keempat dibazirkan dengan sisa-sisa kehidupan bergaul dengan family dia dan makan nasi lemak mak dia ye tepat memang sedap. On the way nak ke terminal kiteorang singgah kedai beli satar di Ajil allahu craving satisfied siap boleh bawak balik lagi! 

Naik bas around 10.30 am dan sampai rumah time maghrib ye masuk kl je terus jammed you guys. Pastu balik naik ktm dan tamat.

Kenapa naik ktm bahaya kot malam?
 Aku ni jenis perempuan suka settle benda aku sendiri. So bila nak kemana je aku akan settle sendiri. Bukan mak bapak aku taknak tolong cumanya aku yang tak kasi. Kadangnya tu dorang risau gak tapi sebab aku ni bajet dan aku hanya sembang dengan kucing so aku main ikut kepala aku je la. Bye.

Friday, 27 May 2016

A proper gestures

Hello kids.

I am right now thinking about who the hell would read my posts because basically im not writing based on topics or trends.

Thinking about it again its getting quite boring here tbh but ya as im not talking to people so much thats why im here what else can you say.

So well lets have a proper meeting yes.

Hello! Im haiqal and im 19. I like to cook and i write. I do poems not novels to be exact. I literally wasting my words in here or in a book.

I can see how exactly you have been admiring me because this is not your first time here yes?

If anything, you can just contact me via email because im not just wasting my time on writing, i listen and i read too. So ya! Lets have a very proper meeting if you are interested bye for now xx

Saturday, 21 May 2016

Taking Control.

hello to all the 19 yo kiddos out there.
listen to me or just read 😒

i am 19. you know how it feels to feel 19 and still ugly. im not saying that im not thankful for my life indeed i am. but you know what i am talking about. its about appearances. as everyone around me are beautifully dressed in their own 19yo-dress-code, apparently im here with my black dress pattern. i have this one thought of not having a boyfriend until now because of my dull dress code and my zero reaction body language.

i dont know where im about but my friends are all beautiful you cannot simply say theres one. they are all dress in great styles, from their hijab to their shoes. while im here with my black jubah, black tudung and my sport shoes. can u imagine how am i going to turn out? ya my mother disapproved my style and call me like im some sort of a girl who doesnt know who the heck is barbie. like barbie is so great until she has her own movie and a youtube channel and ken and everyone keeps adoring her from a teddy bear to a unicorn to a maid to a stepmother im going to kill barbie.

nowadays, technologies have been tremendously widen apart within social medias, blogs, ads, websites, .....younameit. if you have a great appearances, you are good to go. with that great appearances only, you shall run the world by yourself cuz everyone will come to you with one knee down and worshipping you like you are the only one left behind to be their future wife, girlfriend, model, sister, role model, .....younameityouknowbetter.

what is left behind for me is, none. all this while you guys have been treating me like crap. not to say every each of you bcs i still have a lot of good friend spreading the good vibes. but to you guys who always giving me the very disrespect negativity thoughts (omg i said this with an aggresive sound of hatred in my heart astaghfirullahalazim), please keep it away cuz you know if i shine later, im afraid you will be expired.

as a 19 yo idk what to call is it a femminist? ah whatever.

as a 19 yo kid, i have this one thought of not only getting ready for my 20s based on fashion and stuffs, but also to get rid of my unbalance ego and temper and being secretive way too obvious and stress-out. the word is not to get rid but how im suppose to control my behaviour in my early days so i can lead myself towards the old ones.

taking control in life is not only about how you remain your relationship with your love ones or when is the right time for you to have a complete set of make up brushes but it goes deeper as you learn how to maintain your life and make it as calm as you wanted it to be. you deserve to control anything in your life starting with, making a small decision turns great.

Friday, 20 May 2016

spell it out

good news. if u run a business, u dont need to do anyhing just lay ur ass down on ur cosy bed and get the order from ur cust thru ws. or just wasting ur time using ur phone and forget abt ur responsibilities and leave it behind for anyone to settle it down for u. u guys help me enjoying my teen life in a vey miserable way.

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Kpd hijabis,

Solat tunggang terbalik khusyuk hadap tuhan tapi kebersihan tak jaga cam bodo gak la. Aurat tutup tkde sehelai benang pun tercarik mmg takde semua perfect takkan ada seorg org pun yg akan tgk aurat si hijabis ni tp bila pulang kerumah pakaian itu tidak di settle sendiri, tunggu org gaji settle. Aku panggil hijabis camni hijabis hipokrit tahap tinggi menara klcc infiniti lagi tinggi dari tu. Mmg bapak la kalau aku hidup dgn org camni sampai bila-bila aku tak kan aman. Kalau kau nak banding dgn isu syria palestin paris baik tak payah sbb itu wow jauh lebih dahsyat ujian dorg aku sendiri pun tak tertanggung kalau dpt yg mcm hijabis ni je. Tapi takpe, jenis hijabis yg camni aku harap kalau dia nak sakai, boleh sakai sensorg.

Saturday, 2 April 2016

Breaking The Lines

If it was as easy as letting go a captured butterfly, I would have done that long time ago.

It feels stupid though to never stop thinking about a man that I will rely on for the rest of my life in order to complete half of my deen. Thinking about that again, I think that I might just go far beyond what a 19 y/o should be thinking about. Maybe what is best for me is just I need to follow the flow that I have already taken since the first step I am in which is to become a better muslimah. If this doesn't work out due to my over-reacted feelings towards a boy, let's just avoid it.

One second.
But what if by avoiding it will not make any changes in your life and towards your feeling?

Thursday, 24 March 2016

False Alarm

It is either winning or losing, I will still give my best smile for you.

Sorry because it was just a short one. I just need to write something.
Feeling a lil bit of stress out right now. Truly sorry.

Friday, 18 March 2016

Old Days

Back to where I wasn’t ready to confront others and told them about my journey, I used to be a very secretive person and you will never know about me. Never.

I used to hold grudges to those people who told me that I am fat, I have a big butt, my tudung is selekeh and the most irritating and sad thing was when there was this one boy making jokes around saying that I made the whole world shaking (baca:bumi bergegar) when I walked and he told me to stop walking at the balcony. It terrified me everytime I walk in front of men now.

What did I do then?

I cried obviously. But that won’t solve any of the problems I stated up there.
So what I actually did to overcome those pathetic fear?

Firstly, I started to think positive and left my fears behind. It took me quite a lot of time and effort but if your first planned was to make yourself feel less fear, joyful and positive, why should you worry.
After I managed to make myself clear about the vision that I wanted to achieve, I started to make a list and start doing it. The very first thing that I thought would be a good turned out to me was to lose some weight, and I did it. I lost 10kg in 3 months, Alhamdulillah. After all the effort I’ve been through, the result was remarkable! I continue the routine (cardio, running, yoga) for about 2 years and stop after entering matrics. I managed to lose 30kg in total. Its not that I stop after entering matrics, I just stop doing all the routines that I used to do back then. I stick with running at least, thanked god! With just that, I didn’t manage to lose weight, but I managed to maintain it, ok la kan. Oh by the way, my weight was 90kg back then.

I almost giving myself up here because stress leads me to bad food. I watched my diet here, but the food here are all like a total seduction to my unconscious mind. But I will start my diet plan and routine in a month time in shaa allah after I finished matrics. Let’s take further look and information about my journey in here yes?

So whatever it is, stop complaining and start moving! Make a healthy choice to yourself and your love ones. Have a great future ahead! In shaa allah.

Sunday, 13 March 2016

Buat Seketul Perasaan

Dia biasa je, tapi perasaan kau yang terkinja. Kah!

Orang lain sibuk berperang lawan nafsu syaiton untuk masa depan, ya dan aku pun apa kurangnya. Tapi aku punya berperang tu ada terselit satu kisah lain yang mana aku kena berperang lawan nafsu perasaan.

Pernah dulu jadi macam ni la. Sebijik. Seketul Haiqal tak boleh lawan perasaan sampai satu tahap dia jadi sakit. Bukan orang tahu. Tak, buat apa nak bagi orang tahu. Itu lah yang dia cakap.

Perasaan yang sepatutnya kau jaga, kau biar dia tak terkunci malah kau letak dia dalam raga seolah-olah mudahnya dia untuk dijaja.

Tapi above all, ini tak teruk. Kes dulu lagi teruk sebab dulu takde seorang orang pun yang tahu pasal masalah perasaan yang timbul waktu tu. & I managed to get through it through a set(50x) of ringkuk tubi, push-up, star jump &  1L of water before I went to sleep with severe pain. Dan bila rasa tu masih tak boleh ditangani, aku ber-yoga huhuhuhuh.

Mungkin cara aku approach perasaan aku untuk kenal orang adalah salah. Aku perasan setiap lelaki yang aku jumpa dalam hidup aku, aku nak suka diorang. Dan malangnya aku tahu itu memang bodoh. Setiap yang aku kenal dalam hidup aku, aku tahu Tuhan tak datangkan dengan sia-sia. Sebahagian yang datang mungkin muncul sebagai kenalan untuk aku berukhuwah sampai ke sorga dan sebahagian lagi mungkin dihadirkan untuk aku kenal isi donia yang kerap buat dalaman aku rapuh serapuh eggtart yang aku buat. Alkisahnya yang paling utama keadaan aku yang kurang selidik perasaan aku ni buat aku jadi tak tentu arah macam benda tu benda paling susah untuk aku sebagai seketul perempuan yang berjiwa kecil dan berbadan besar untuk handle.

Semoga perasaan ini boleh hilang seperti mudahnya angin meniup daun kering menuju ke kawasan yang angin tu rasa dia nak letak daun tu dan pada satu tahap daun kering tu hilang sebab hayat dia dah sampai dipenghujung waktu. Aku tahu, penulisan aku memang hiperbola.

Tuesday, 1 March 2016

Beauty | Is Beauty A Crime?

I once asked my friend, a girl, about this and I don’t expect her to respond such in a way she did.

What do you think about beauty? Do women use their beauty to attract the boys?

Beauty is a common thing nowadays. There are men out there who are searching for a woman without make ups and modern attires. Its simple. You and your attitude must be at the top of the Statue of Liberty, like it should be higher than that.Always remember that natural beauty is not going anywhere to be compared to, its beyond everything. It will never lose. Furthermore, beauty is not an immortal presence, well that you should know! If the guys are searching for a perfect head-to-toe, they should buy a doll instead, a Barbie I must say. I object the ‘Do women use their beauty to attract boys’, I mean, come on, I hope there is no woman will speak her voice out that her beauty is beyond everything that if a man ever see her, they would fall for her because of her beauty hides her imperfections.

If I were able to spread the positive vibes to all the women out there about how beauty, weight, height, appearances & etc wont tear your personalities apart, I am more than honoured! So, keep spreading the good and positive vibes to your environment so that the world is packed with billions of positive people.

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

It was a beautiful day. The clouds looked fabulous as cute as your fun-fair cotton candy. The road looked slippery as the rain has just stopped while the rainbow made a great view for a smile. The birds were flying gracefully together to start their day which I never knew where they headed to. 

And then, there was me, walking alone as if I got no one to walk together to start my day. It was not a good day for me actually. I had to started my day unsincerely, without a single excuse, I do not know what had happened to me. I wont blame my pms because thats totally not me. Totally.

In college, the lecturers and students knew me as a very cheerful, loving and kind person (maybe idk). Im afraid that they were wrong. I am like a totally different person when I am in my college and back to my hometown. Its just not going to work here in the college if I am myself you see. I am afraid the students here will not accept me the way I supported myself. The environment here was totally different. The place, the environment, the lecturers, the students, ya you name it. Even I myself do not feel like I am belong to here.

Back to the day where I told you that I was having a bad day. A gloomy day. A darker side of me day. Everyone was like “halah what happen to this girl ah”, ya something like that. Because of that, my whole day was affected. I am no longer like a person, more to a zombie type of person, ha thats it. The students here were even afraid to start a conversation with me. I kept making the mean girls irritated glances to everyone. I am sorry.

The person that I feel comfortable to be with is only myself. I stopped watching my diet, I stopped eating healthily, I stopped making myself happy because I am busy making others happy, I stopped talking to the man that I like, I stopped adapting myself to the people around me, I stopped exercising which that used to make me feel happy and alive and lose some weight.

If I were you, I  guarantee that you will find someone to be talked to, to tell them about your problems and to feel less burden. I am not like that. I tend to express my feelings through my mood. I don’t tell people. I show to them.

So this morning, I tried to cool down and make a self reflection due to the unmature behavior that I forced everyone to accept. I went to the mini mart and treated myself an ice cream, a good one, aiskrim potong kacang merah which i spent only RM1.20 to make my day turns to a very happy and cheerful  day fill with laughter with the loved ones.

I am ok now. Hope it remains that way and maybe the best is yet to come. 

Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Perkampungan Menara Gading Pahang '16

Mungkin orang tertanya-tanya kenapa blog aku ni macam kosong & bosan. Mungkin yang kerap buka blog ni adalah aku sendiri. Aku yang tulis dan aku yang baca sebab aku ni sejenis manusia yang suka baca apa yang aku tulis untuk recap balik apa yang jadi sepanjang aku hidup ni dan hayat yang aku habiskan ni aku siakan untuk apa. Aku nak tahu & dari itu aku nak jadi lebih baik.

Jadinya lepas aku habis exam mid-sem di matrikulasi, aku terus pecut ke UIA Kuantan bertemankan Iliyana, si roomate. Ya aku tahu, aku pernah tulis pasal Perkampungan Menara Gading (pmg) sebelum ni, tapi itu di Selangor. Aku sebenarnya nak rasa macam mana pmg yang berlangsung di negeri lain, mungkin sama & mungkin lain. Dan aku nak Iliyana rasa macam mana rasa ber-pmg ni. Habis je program, alhamdulillah Iliyana, anak jati Kuantan bagi respon yang positif sepositif kulit mukanya huhuhuhuhuhuh.

Ini Iliyana tepi tu Jannah. Mereka 
bukan rashid uhuhuhu rasa hambar.

Ok program berlangsung selama 3 hari 2 malam dari 29/1 - 31/1 ya memang sis penat ya engkau boleh bayangkan lah dari matriks tu ha org lain balik coti midsem aku balik pegi kampus uia ha ko. Ok dah mari aku share kan input-input sepanjang aku berprogram. 


Of course semuanya bermula dengan pendaftaran dan pendaftaran mula pukul 4 petang, aku dan Iliyana datang pukul 2 mari berhuhuhuhu. 

Malamnya dimulakan dgn majlis perasmian dan Ice Breaking yay! Kumpulan aku ada 12 orang dan dihadirkan dgn dua orang fasilitator yang sangat dahsyat dgn ilmu donia dan akhirat iaitu Kak Hala dan Abang Zul. 

Macam biasa kami mengeratkan ukuwah dgn bertaaruf. Yela dah berukuwah tu kena lah gak kan bagi harapan apa yang kiteorang nak dari program ni.

Ya that was our first day!


Hari kedua, input yang diberi semakin dahsyat dan berapi semangat kebabom ha ko dahsyat tak dahsyat.

Sebabnya program ini namanya perkampungan menara gading kan, so banyak lah briefing pasal universiti antaranya adalah kehidupan di universiti, cara nak jadi mahasiswa bitara & tujuan dan matlamat kita ke universiti.

Pagi & petang tu kiteorang ada slot dengan fasi, abang zul kak hala, main game running man halamak dahsyat ke tidak hahahahahaha. Ha pastu bila ada dgn abg kakak fasi, tangkap la gambar sikit buat kenangan ha gituh.

Bila dengan group, teamwork tu penting ok adik-adik. Kita ni kalau boleh nak ajak semua masuk sorga kan. So dgn seketul kehadiran teamwork dalam berukhuwah ni mana tahu adalah satu jalan kecik untuk kita masuk ke sorga.

Ok sekarang ni satu je yang aku nak tekankan sepanjang aku berprogram dan aku rasa aku perlu ingat dan praktiskan dalam hidup aku sampai bila-bila iaitu SENTIASA BERSANGKA BAIK PADA TUHAN ya adik-adik. 

Malamnya ada slot Forum Mahasiswa Bitara: Menuntas Visi Ummatik. Ya baca saja pun dah rasa slot ni hebat kan hahahhahah ok jgn gelak ini serius, fokus. Benda utama yang aku rasa paling penting sepanjang malam tu adalah 3 pesan abang Fazril iaitu,

i)   Jangan tidur selepas Subuh
ii)  Bawa buku kemana-mana
iii) Khidmat


Hari terakhir pun apa kurang hebatnya. Pmg kali ni cam lain sikit dari yang selangor so aku cam rasa unik sikit lah hahahahah ok jgn gelak. Semua peserta kena pakai cam seragam. Yang lelaki kena pakai kemeja hitam dan bersongkok, perempuan kena pakai hitam gak dan bertudung krim. Aku ni dah lah dari matrik, datang pun bawak baju yang ada dalam locker je hahahah ko bayangkan bertapa selekehnya aku. Tudung krim pun dapat sbb aku mintak kat bilik jiran-jiran dgn muka tak malu wey ha semangatnya aku. Ok tu pasal tudung. Hari ketiga pun ada gak inputnya takdelah cerita pasal baju tudung je halamak ko sabar la jap.

Last day ni, alamak aku tak catat la pulak tapi yang aku ingat kiteorang semua kena buat POA iaitu plan of action dimana apa yang peserta pmg pahang kali ni akan buat selepas tamatnya program. Adakah ukhuwah yang terjalin tu terhenti takat situ atau kita akan berprogram bersama-sama lagi wow aku rasa cam hambar lak tulis gini. Kiteorang dibahagi kepada 3 zon dan aku di zon 1 iaitu Kuantan. Ya memang cis, Gambang tidak terlibat di zon mana-mana.

Mungkin selepas ni aku akan dapat experience baru dinegeri orang. Mana tahu setiap pengalaman baru tu akan buat kita jadi lebih baik dari kita yang dulu. Ok kenapa rasa sedih ni? Rasa cam aku ni syaiton sangat dulu hahahahahha. 

Itu untuk last day.

Oh ok benda yang sangat best sepanjang aku berprogram adalah semua orang kena bangun qiam, makan dalam talam tu pengalaman baru ok aku tkpernah lagi try sehari tiga kali makan semua dalam talam takde makan dalam pinggan ok semua coci beramai-ramai ha mengeratkan ukhuwwah gituh, setiap hari akan ada bacaan mathurat dan almulk dan yang paling penting bila kena nyanyi lagu pmg aku punya semangat tu kalau ko boleh ukur pakai thermometer, mungkin merkuri dia akan pecah huhuhuhuhuh ok hiperbola sangat nak ukur semangat pakai termometer.

Itu je lah yang aku boleh kongsi sepanjang aku berprogram. Yang aku nak satu je setiap kali aku berprogram, which is aku nak jadi aku yang lebih baik dan aku nak kau pun jadi engkau yang lebih baik.

"Kerana cinta pada yang Esa, kerana ukhuwah kita bersama"

Tuesday, 19 January 2016


The plan was I wanted to eat rice once in a week which is either on Sunday or Wednesday in order to maintain my weight because you know white rice are high in carbs.

So, today, the plan had crashed.

I am sorry for my body because I could not take care of you like how I managed to do it previously. With all due respect, I am truly sorry.

It was today, this morning to be exact, there was a friend of mine walking behind me after the class ended. It was only a short conversation & I get distracted by that until now. I didn’t pay attention in classes today to be exact.

It was not a very big deal. Ya after all the hardwork that I made throughout the year and there was someone who were getting on my way. She was getting on my nerve! and still am.

Someone who knew about my struggle before but still gave me that “bitch” face thing whenever she scanned my body thoroughly. I do not know why on earth people could judge other people as if we are not compatible compared to them.

To be fit and healthy takes time. Running and cardio-ing for two hours & injured both of your hamstrings every weekend are serious. But still, people do complain. They make us feel as if we are not making any changes for our body and the future.
I admit that I am still at a point where no man would ever ask for a date. But I don’t care as long as I have the strong wills to continue and finish this small journey towards success.

Ya, I won’t give up.

Saturday, 16 January 2016

A Short Conversation

So I started the conversation,

It was a short conversation between me and a friend of mine. Yes, a man. I have known him maybe for three years & still counting(maybe). I think as im getting older I tend to talk to the people around me in a way that I think I want to be treated. Yes, as a grown up person. I will blame no one if they does not get what am I doing to them because I know there will be someone who will come up one day eventually with a rationale that they feel uncomfortable with the way I talk to them.

Its not easy to change to a new you. Ya I get it, I had to start the conversation maybe because he was shy at first & think about it again, what about me? So I try to take it in a positive way.

It was my first time handling my emotion towards a man during a conversation. Yes, it was because of him that I tend to talk to every man that I happened to know in a very adultry-manner(dont know whether that exist or not ok proceed), until today.

I supposed when I talk like that, they will take it in a very serious perspective and I do not have to cover my appearances whenever I wanted to start a conversation with them. It feels comfortable that way I think so.

So about this man, lets just assume that he is one of the good man I have ever known with a good manner and a good looking person.

Till next time! 

Saturday, 2 January 2016

New Year-late post #KMPh

Its been kind of hectic months/days I guess. Nothing had been brought up on this page lately.
Several issues came up and I didnt manage to overcome those mistakes/problems cuz ya im just me. Nothing you can do about it.

So basically its raining here in Pahang due to the monsun & it will remain probably until March 2016.

Talk about 2016.

I am 19 y/o this year. Can you imagine or can you not? I saw my reflection during the night of new year where we stuck in our hostels watching movies marathon and taking pictures in dark (no lights turned on & we're ok). The reflection that I saw was still me. Nothing new. I am still not in the mood of changing myself and made those new year resolutions cuz maybe I had done that during Maal Hijrah hahahah no no dont laugh this is a serious writing.

New year is the beginning of the year. Its how you tend to pamper yourself during the very beginning of the year. From my view, I can still see the youths out there are not making any differences or else if they did, its not what-you-think-you-can-make-your-parents-proud-thing.

To be a brand new you, try not to think to always do things to satisfy your environment. Its not for them you live for. Enjoy every slice of cake in every bite! You wont be regret.

Lets make differences to be a better you! It will never be too late to try something new.
C'mon, lets give it a shot ya?